at the moment

At the moment, impossible is not a word in my vocabulary.

Caribou Coffee musings

studying at Caribou Coffee, wrote down some thoughts on two napkins. Don't mean to be so emo, I just like jotting down what's on my mind.

Translation:

My resolve is shot, confidence weak. I am alone and isolated with only my future ambitions and current dilemmas in front of me.

Yet, I feel like something good will happen soon. I have my future planned out, but I need to endure this test to go any further. Anything less than success equates with utter failure.

I have only one option. So I must choose it and move on.

__________________________

Things I like

- Caribou Coffee

- seeing steam rise from a hot cup of tea

- Fall weather in the mid 50s to 60s

- late afternoon sunlight

- the quietness of a grey, drizzly saturday afternoon

thoughts 09/02/10

(taken from my ipod touch notes)

LSAT class was dreadful tonight. Compound failure with the drenching rain and an undersized folding umbrella. As I waited for the bus to arrive on Madison Street, I looked up at a seemingly nondescript building, the rain slanting sideways in a series of long, straight lines. The glow of neon signs accentuated the vacancy of the dark floors above. This feels like a movie scene; this feels like loneliness.

I heave a heavy sigh, my canvas pair of Converse submerged in water. In the rain, every city feels the exact same way: desolate. Where there was once hope, the rain has washed away any remaining glimmers of futures into the gutter. Yet, there is a cleansing peace in the city streets. The pitter patter of droplets slowly washes away the grime of a hot Chicago summer. Somewhere, someone is staring outside their apartment window, hot cup of tea in hand, watching the droplets slowly make their way down the window pane. As for myself, I am reminded of my completely soaked shoes and whether I will catch the next train home.

I have hope for myself. This LSAT is slowly chipping away at my sanity, yet onwards I go. Maybe I'm just tired. My watch says 10:20pm, and I'm 1 hour from home.

fear

"I only fear change when I'm not the one who instigated the change."

Above, a mental thought, about 5 seconds ago.

our inaction

(a short ramble)

Instant replay, rewind. What happened, what did we do wrong, what could we have done to correct our errors? It's so easy for our minds to look back on what happened, and imagine a rosy scenario of what could have been.

Instant replay, rewind. Why is it that all the memories we want to forget replay again and again?

Instant replay, rewind. Can we learn to replay our happy memories without a sigh of nostalgia?

Instant replay happens when we're truly alone with our thoughts. There are those of us who can only dwell in the past, pressing replay over and over and over. And then, there are those of us who press replay, laugh, and continue onwards.

Lesson to be learned: stop hitting rewind. stop hitting pause. start hitting "play."