i am trying to break your heart

What happens now? Just as you've all but forgotten those moments, those tender, heartwarming, gutwrenching moments, she appears out of nowhere. You attempt to duck out, move away, but she comes towards you. "Hey," she says.

What now?
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above: a photo from a series i'm still working on
Model: Annette

as dawn approaches

...the tranquil lady of the night departs for the realm of shadows and dark spaces. It's been a memorable summer. I couldn't even begin to describe how much I have learned while interning in Manila, or how long I've pondered the reasons why Northwestern rejected my transfer application. I've wasted two years of my life attempting to escape from UIC. I feel as if I could have made more lasting relationships with people if I wasn't obsessed with my hatred towards UIC (thankfully, my GPA hasn't suffered). Either way, that's two years gone.

I'm quite thankful that I learned this lesson, the hard way. The hard way has taught me to deal with the cards I've been dealt. So, I will spend the rest of my time at UIC rebuilding the relationships that have collapsed, renewing old friendships, and forging new friendships.

Amat victoria curum

I'm leaving on a jetplane

don't know when I'll be back again...




(thanks to Bianca for modeling, taken at COD fields)


I'm leaving for Manila, Philippines tomorrow. But I do know that i'll be back on July 8 :) I'll definitely take pictures and post them here first. Facebook may be a little slow, and I only have dial-up internet in some of the places I'm staying at.

On a more serious note, it feels quite surreal to be traveling back to the Philippines. The last time I went there, I believe I was only 10 or 12 years old. Manila and the provinces seemed so carefree as a kid: eating polvoron, going to jollybee for burgers with mayo, whooppin kids at Tekken in SM Megamall. Then again, despite my carefree nature back in those days, poverty, misery, and slums were all around us.

I think it's important for any Filipino to remember that there are people that are far worse off than they are, and that no Filipino should ever take their electronics, clothes, money, and status for granted - especially us American-born Filipinos. We should all be thankful for everything we have :)

Manila is going to be a totally different city this time around. I have a feeling that this trip is for a higher reason. On one end, I am grateful because of my opportunity to intern at the Supreme Court. But I also think that this trip will open my eyes to the injustices that I will eventually face as a future international lawyer (hopefully).




Amat victoria curam - Victory favors those who take pains

Hillary politics

Clinton supporters seemingly make the argument that she earned her votes and that her hard work should be rewarded by becoming Obama's vice president.

I reject her supporter's arguments that she ought to receive the nomination for vice-president.

Why? It's real simple: The Democratic nominee, i.e. Barack Obama, is under no obligation to pick her. It's his choice, and on his time - not Hillary's.

But...if anyone were to accept her supporter's arguments, why doesn't John McCain pick Mitt Romney as his VP? Why doesn't Barack pick Edwards as his VP? Why doesn't Barack pick Dennis Kucinich as his VP? All these candidates worked very hard for their cause and duly earned their votes. Surely they deserve the nomination too, don't you think?

fresh

A true human being can never be labeled

A true human being can smile at life's perils

A true human being will never surrender

new music

I'm purging my iPod nano and putting some new tunes on it:

Dexter Gordon "The Apartment"
Sonny Rollins "The Bridge"
- Jim Hall on guitar
Sam Rivers "Contours"
new CSS single (Rat is Dead)
- Kinda excited, this single rocks!
Sigur Ros "()"
- Everyone needs some Sigur Ros in their life
Simian Mobile Disco "Attack Detain Sustain Release"
The Weepies "Hideaway"
Beirut "The Flying Club Cup"
- I've had it on my computer for a while now...
Dungen "Tio Bitar"
- Zach introduced me to this Swedish band, kinda Mars Volta, less randomness in sound
Elliot Smith "Elliot Smith"
- the album with "needle in the hay," mostly because that's my favorite track from The Royal
Tenenbaums
Jose Gonzalez "In Our Nature" , "Veneer"
- Cuban musician who lives in Sweden
Joshua Bell, London Symphony Orchestra "Gershwin Fantasy"


I like having a nano as compared to a regular ipod. I can concentrate on the music I want to hear/new stuff I haven't heard yet. When I had a 30gb, I would just copy and paste music and never get around to listening to it :)

summer wasting

I feel as if school ended too abruptly. I'm not one for goodbyes, mostly because goodbyes seem too permanent and hauntingly eerie to comprehend. But now, I feel as if I should have said more.

mental note: it's been 3 1/2 years since i've kissed a girl. who knew lonliness could be so distracting?

I've been sidetracked.

Anyways, my favorite season has just begun. The season of ice cream sanctioned gluttony; the season of tan-a-thons; the season of love; the season for lovers; the season for loners; the season for beaches; the season that fantasies only dare to create; the season that promises more than it fulfills (or is it the other way around); the season that launched a thousand ships into the crystalline waters of tomorrow.

Romney quits the race

I was reading a Newsweek article about Romney's withdrawal from the race. Here's an interesting and very poignant remark about his campaign:

"It's no accident that the GOP race is down to three men who are clear about who they are: McCain, Huckabee and, yes, Ron Paul."
- Howard Fineman

I never actually liked Romney to begin with. Putting aside the fact that he has flip flopped on so many issues, something about his character always screamed "I'm a phony." Maybe it was his hair, or possibly his polished, refined rhetoric. And now I know why: he campaigned as someone else, with someone else's hopes and, most importantly, with someone else's goals. Like Fineman argues in his article, I believe that Romney was pandering to people whom he didn't really feel like pandering to in the first place. And because of this, he lost his true identity. He became a phony in the voter's eyes.


the link to the original article: http://www.newsweek.com/id/108793

non-existent internets

Today marks the second day of a broken wireless connection for my laptop. The UIC wireless client can't even find the wireless network :(

I believe its been atleast two weeks since I've seen any sort of sunlight in Chicago. Can't really stand it. I've diagnosed myself with a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, a.k.a. winter depression. Happens around this time of year. It seems as if all my problems seem to compound into one large, lifeless ball. I'd say it looks like an exercise ball with words and pictures, etc. pasted on it.

This ball of problems usually lies at the foot of my bed in the morning.

Fun stuff.

on a wednesday

She walked past me today. It was snowing. My shoes could barely find a naked patch of cement. The snowflakes clumped together and landed on my borrowed jacket. As the wind blew the snow in my direction, I lowered my head into my jacket in order to keep my glasses from getting wet.

And then it happened.

I looked up, and there she was. Head buried in her black jacket, arms in her pockets, eyes fixed at the ground. I could tell she wasn’t enjoying the weather. My heart sank but my pace quickened. Should I say something? Hello, perhaps? Would she still remember me? There she was, walking briskly to get out of the cold. And yet, for a brief moment, I saw something in her eyes – a glance that revealed despair, maybe disappointment, if anything. But maybe it was just the snow and gusty breeze coming towards her. I buried my head and looked away. She walked right past me.